The title sums it up really. That's Niamh's take on it anyway. Again her matter of fact outlook on life prevails and pulls me back from the brink of despair to feeling somewhat normal and grateful. Niamh, as ever, knows the right thing to say.
And so we move into a new phase as now a year has passed since Niamh's diagnosis. Every time I think "this time last year" for the next 9 months will be a cancer memory. There will have been something cancer related on that day. The year has passed so fast, in the blink of an eye it seems. I remember many days as clear as a bell. Every last detail is etched in my mind like a photograph. Words spoken on those days are in my mind like a film script that i can recite word by word. This time last year was the worst day of my life when Niamh was rushed into theatre for an emergency 7.5 hr operation to prevent paralysis. I spent much of that day in a daze, angry, weeping, hysterical, holding my sobbing husband as we waited for news.
And now look at her - doing so well, baking the nicest brownies and cheerfully telling me about school this morning. Keeping my focus on today - how she is today. Not allowing me to picture her this time last year, smiling through the pain and fear. Stepping into the unknown. I prefer not to think about tomorrow, it never comes. Today she's good, happy and that's good enough for me. I've reflected today intermittently - off and on. I've done some cooking which I find occupies my mind nicely and, as already mentioned, Niamh has baked brownies. All in all, today has been ok - better than expected. My next months are filled with dates when"this time last year" she was having chemo, ops, radiotherapy, tests etc. I'm sure I'll get a flashback on certain dates, but Niamh will see me through those dark times with her tenacity, positivity, courage and fighting spirit. As she has always done.
This quote is on Niamh's bedroom wall and it sums up her attitude perfectly